Parasocial Attachment: Loving a Person Who Doesn’t Know You

Film and TV characters with parasocial bonds show us what happens when a one-sided emotional relationship with a fictional character or public figure becomes central to someone’s identity. These stories exaggerate, but they also mirror everyday fandom, online obsession, and the ways media characters can feel like real companions.

Parasocial attachment is a one-sided emotional bond that often feels surprisingly mutual.
*Swarm* and *Ingrid Goes West* portray extreme versions of common modern fan experiences.
These bonds can comfort and inspire, but become risky when boundaries and real life blur.

Hook: Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Know You Exist

In Swarm, Dre will cross any line for pop star Ni’Jah. In Ingrid Goes West, Ingrid uproots her entire life to orbit influencer Taylor’s sun. Both characters feel an intense connection to someone who doesn’t know they exist—yet that bond shapes their choices more than any “real” relationship.

That’s the unsettling core of parasocial attachment: a one-sided emotional bond that can feel as vivid as friendship, romance, or family.

What Is Parasocial Attachment?

Parasocial attachment is a one-sided emotional bond with a media figure: a celebrity, influencer, fictional character, or public figure you’ve never actually met. You feel like you know them; they, of course, don’t know you at all.

The term grew out of early television research, when media researchers noticed viewers treating news anchors and TV hosts like trusted friends. Today, it extends to YouTubers, streamers, podcasters, and fictional characters we spend hours binge-watching. Parasocial Relationships: The Nature of Celebrity Fascinations

A few key points that separate parasocial relationships from regular admiration or fandom:

Depth of emotional investment: Liking a show or musician is normal. Parasocial attachment is when a one-sided emotional bond feels intimate or central to your life.
Illusion of mutuality: Viewers can feel like a public figure is talking directly to them, especially with vlogs, livestreams, and confessional posts.
Role in identity: The bond can become a core part of how you see yourself—your values, community, even your sense of safety.

Most of us experience a mild version of this: comfort shows, “comfort characters,” favorite YouTubers we put on while cooking. Swarm and Ingrid Goes West crank that everyday experience to a terrifying volume.

Swarm: Dre, Ni’Jah, and Fandom as Identity

(Light thematic spoilers, no detailed ending spoilers.)

Dre in Swarm isn’t just a fan of superstar Ni’Jah—her entire world orbits Ni’Jah’s music and persona. Her parasocial attachment is a textbook (and extreme) one-sided emotional bond.

How Dre’s Bond Forms

Dre finds in Ni’Jah a steady emotional anchor in a chaotic life. The artist’s music is:

A source of soothing when she feels lonely and rejected.
A shared language between her and her sister, tying Ni’Jah to family and belonging.
A stable, idealized figure who never leaves, never argues, and never rejects her.

This is classic parasocial attachment: a media figure becomes a safe, predictable presence when real-world relationships feel fragile.

Emotional Needs the Bond Fills

Dre’s parasocial relationship with Ni’Jah taps into several psychological needs:

Belonging: Stan culture offers her a ready-made community and identity: a passionate fan who will defend her idol at any cost.
Control: She can replay songs, watch performances, and scroll fan content whenever she wants, controlling exposure in a way she can’t control real people.
Validation: Defending Ni’Jah online and offline gives Dre a sense of purpose and moral clarity.

Underneath it all lies loneliness and fragile self-worth. Ni’Jah becomes a kind of emotional life raft.

When Attachment Escalates

As the story unfolds, Dre’s one-sided devotion slides into violent action:

Online criticism of Ni’Jah feels like a personal attack.
Boundaries between fan and star dissolve; Dre acts as if she has a direct mission to protect Ni’Jah.
Real-life relationships become secondary to the parasocial one.

The show reflects how modern stan culture and social brain mechanisms can fuse. The social brain is wired to care deeply about people we see often. Add algorithms that constantly feed Dre Ni’Jah content, and her one-sided emotional bond feels more and more like a real relationship.

Ingrid Goes West: Influencer Intimacy and Identity Theft

(Light spoilers, no detailed ending reveal.)

Where Dre is attached to a global pop star, Ingrid latches onto an Instagram influencer, Taylor Sloane. Here the parasocial attachment grows not just through media, but through the illusion of everyday intimacy.

How Ingrid Falls for Taylor’s Persona

Ingrid discovers Taylor’s feed at a vulnerable moment, craving connection and direction. Taylor appears:

Warm, funny, and “authentic” in her captions.
Relatable in her daily stories: coffee runs, home décor, inside jokes.
Socially successful and admired—everything Ingrid feels she isn’t.

Ingrid’s social brain responds as if Taylor is a friend sharing life updates. Parasocial attachment blends with identification and projection: Ingrid sees who she wishes she could be and projects this fantasy onto Taylor.

From Liking Posts to Living Her Life

What makes Ingrid Goes West so unsettling is how smoothly the parasocial relationship slides into real-world intrusion:

Ingrid copies Taylor’s style, interests, and even life choices.
She engineers “coincidental” meetings, using online information as a map to Taylor’s real life.
The boundary between admiration and entitlement erodes; Ingrid feels she deserves a place in Taylor’s inner circle.

Online intimacy fuels this. Curated authenticity creates a strong illusion of closeness—Ingrid has constant access to Taylor’s image and routines.

Parasocial Bonds Across the Screen: A Spectrum of Examples

Dre and Ingrid sit at the extreme end of parasocial relationships, but film and TV are full of characters on the same spectrum:

The King of Comedy and Joker’s Murray Franklin: comedians obsessed with TV hosts who represent the success and acceptance they crave.
Beef: not strictly parasocial, but shows how strangers can obsess over each other’s online personas and imagined motives.
K‑pop stan culture analogues: stories and documentaries about fans who dedicate huge time and money to idols, blurring support with identity.
Superhero and YouTuber fandoms in various series: teens who define themselves through their favorite fictional character or creator.

These examples remind us that film and TV characters with parasocial bonds are mirrors. Most viewers will never take things as far as Dre or Ingrid—but the emotional logic behind their behavior can feel familiar.

Psychology Behind Parasocial Bonds

Several psychological processes help explain why parasocial relationships feel so powerful:

Attachment theory: People with insecure attachment or past rejection may find one-sided bonds safer than real relationships.
Loneliness and isolation: When offline support is thin, media figures become accessible companions. You can press play whenever you need “company.”
Social comparison: Influencers and celebrities provide constant reference points for how we “should” look, live, and succeed.
Identity formation: Especially for teens and young adults, favorite artists and characters help answer “Who am I?” and “Where do I belong?”
Projection: We project our needs, fears, and fantasies onto media figures, turning them into symbolic versions of what we long for.

All of this is amplified by modern media consumption habits: binge-watching, algorithmically curated feeds, and 24/7 access.

Myth vs Reality: Understanding Parasocial Relationships

Here’s a quick guide to common assumptions.

Myth	Reality
Only “unstable” people form parasocial attachments.	Almost everyone experiences them; it’s a normal byproduct of how our social brain processes media.
Parasocial relationships are always unhealthy.	They can be comforting, motivating, and community‑building when kept in balance.
Liking an influencer a lot means you’ll end up like Dre or Ingrid.	Extreme portrayals are exaggerated; they highlight risks, not inevitable outcomes.
The solution is to stop caring about media figures entirely.	A more realistic goal is mindful, bounded engagement with room for offline life.

When Parasocial Attachment Helps vs. When It Hurts

Parasocial relationships exist on a spectrum from helpful to harmful. The question isn’t “Do you have them?” but “How are they affecting your life?”

Potential Benefits

Parasocial attachment can be:

Comforting: A favorite fictional character or creator can soothe anxiety and provide stability during tough times.
Inspiring: Public figures can model courage, creativity, or resilience you bring into your own life.
Community‑building: Shared fandoms create friendships, support networks, and creative outlets.

Warning Signs It’s Becoming Risky

It’s time to pause and reflect if you notice patterns like:

Your mood rises or crashes based almost entirely on a creator’s posts, replies, or controversies.
You feel intense entitlement—anger when a public figure changes, dates someone, or sets boundaries.
You neglect sleep, work, school, or offline relationships to stay immersed in their content.
You spend money you don’t have on merch, tickets, or subscriptions to feel closer.
You’re tempted to cross boundaries: stalking, doxxing, harassment of “haters,” or trying to force contact.

Dre and Ingrid live deep in this danger zone. Their stories aren’t about ordinary fandom; they’re about what happens when a one-sided emotional bond replaces real life.

Digital Age Intensifiers: Why These Stories Feel Plausible

Parasocial relationships aren’t new, but digital culture supercharges them:

Algorithmic feeds keep the same faces and voices in front of you, strengthening one-sided familiarity.
Livestreams and Q&As simulate direct conversation, making it feel like a real back‑and‑forth.
Stories and vlogs show domestic, “behind‑the‑scenes” moments that mimic friendship.
Stan communities reward intense loyalty and rapid defense of idols.

In this context, Dre’s stan behavior and Ingrid’s influencer fixation don’t feel like pure fantasy—they feel like worst‑case scenarios drawn from current trends in online culture.

Conclusion: Enjoying Media Without Losing Yourself

Film and TV characters with parasocial bonds, from Dre in Swarm to Ingrid in Ingrid Goes West, show us the outer edges of something deeply human: the desire to feel seen, guided, and connected—even by people who don’t know we exist.

These stories are warnings, but they’re also invitations. They invite us to look at our own parasocial relationships with curiosity rather than shame, to notice when a one-sided emotional bond starts crowding out real life, and to reclaim our agency.

You’re allowed to love fictional characters and public figures. You’re allowed to find comfort in a favorite album or channel. The key is doing it mindfully—letting media enrich your world without becoming the only world you live in.

Frequently Asked Questions

How does curated social media content trigger parasocial bonds in characters like Ingrid and Dre?

Curated digital feeds provide constant, intimate-feeling access to an idol’s private life, creating a powerful illusion of intimacy. In stories like Ingrid Goes West, social media interactions such as likes or DMs act as intermittent reinforcement, tricking the brain into perceiving one-sided viewership as a mutual, real-world friendship rather than a carefully managed media performance.

What is the difference between healthy fandom and the parasocial obsession shown in Swarm?

Healthy fandom thrives on community and shared appreciation with clear boundaries between the fan and the celebrity. The obsession in Swarm crosses this line when the protagonist’s identity becomes entirely dependent on her idol’s status. This leads to the total rejection of real-world relationships, ethics, and personal safety in favor of a destructive, one-sided emotional bond.

What are the most common warning signs of a dangerous parasocial relationship?

Warning signs include neglecting personal health, finances, or real-life social circles to monitor an idol’s digital activity. Characters like Ingrid demonstrate dangerous escalation when they begin stalking, mimicking an influencer’s physical appearance, or experiencing intense rage when the public figure fails to provide personal validation or acknowledge their existence in a meaningful, real-world capacity.

How do film and TV characters with parasocial bonds mirror real-world stan culture?

These characters reflect the extreme end of modern “stan” culture, where the online defense of a celebrity becomes a primary life purpose. Like real-world extremist fanbases, characters like Dre use the celebrity as a surrogate for belonging, utilizing digital platforms to coordinate harassment or performative acts of extreme devotion to prove their loyalty to a public brand.

How can viewers maintain healthy boundaries with fictional characters and influencers?

Setting healthy boundaries involves recognizing that public personas are constructed performances rather than mutual friendships. Viewers should limit social media consumption, diversify their emotional support systems to include real-life peers, and acknowledge that a celebrity’s choices or character arcs do not reflect their own personal values, self-worth, or real-world social standing, regardless of how relatable they seem.