Characters Who Flip From Love to Hate: Splitting

In film and TV, characters who flip from love to hate create powerful, gutting moments. Often, that dramatic swing—where love becomes loathing—is rooted in the psychological process called ‘splitting’ (black-and-white thinking). This article explains splitting in accessible terms, analyzes notable tv and film characters who flip from love to hate, and offers guidance for responsible portrayal and critical viewing.

Spoiler & content sensitivity warning

Spoilers for Fatal Attraction, Gone Girl, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and You are included.
Topics include emotional volatility, manipulation, and relationship violence. If this material may be distressing, please proceed cautiously.

What is Splitting? The All-Good/All-Bad Defense Mechanism Explained

Splitting is a psychological term for seeing people or situations in extremes: all-good or all-bad. Originating in object relations theory (Melanie Klein) and developed in clinical work by Otto Kernberg, splitting often appears alongside attachment dysregulation and other emotion-regulation difficulties. Importantly, splitting itself is a defense mechanism or cognitive pattern; it is not a standalone clinical diagnosis in the DSM-5 but is discussed in personality disorder literature and treatments such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).

Key plain-language points:

Splitting features rapid idealization (placing someone on a pedestal) followed by sudden devaluation (concluding they are entirely bad).
Mechanisms that amplify it include insecure attachment, projection, and high emotional reactivity.
On-screen, splitting explains many love-to-hate arcs, but writers often conflate the phenomenon with inevitable violence—a harmful oversimplification.

To add historical context: the conceptual roots of splitting date back to early psychoanalytic work in the early 20th century. Klein used play observations in children to argue that primitive defenses help manage intolerable feelings. Kernberg later integrated those ideas into a model of severe personality pathology, showing how persistent all-good/all-bad patterns can shape adult relationships and identity. Understanding this lineage helps storytellers avoid flattening complex clinical constructs into mere plot devices.

Why characters who flip from love to hate grip audiences

Writers deploy the love-to-hate flip because it produces immediate tension, surprises viewers, and forces a moral re-evaluation. Moreover, idealization invites empathy; subsequent devaluation causes cognitive dissonance, which heightens engagement. However, the same dramatic utility that makes splitting narratively useful can also reinforce stigmatizing myths when the pattern is portrayed without context.

There are practical applications here for screenwriters: the flip can be used to reveal unreliable narration, to reframe a protagonist’s memory, or to critique romantic mythologies. For critics and viewers, recognizing the psychological mechanics behind the flip opens richer readings—seeing whether the work interrogates its own use of the trope or simply exploits it for shock value.

Case Studies: Characters who flip from love to hate in Film & TV

Below are four case studies selected for narrative clarity and cultural impact. Each example links specific scenes to concepts like idealization and devaluation, projection, and mood reactivity.

Alex Forrest — Fatal Attraction (1987)

Narrative arc: Alex moves from seductive idealization to obsessive devaluation after Dan attempts to end an affair. Her line ‘I’m not going to be ignored’ marks a shift toward stalking and violence.
Psychological reading: The film frames her flip as revenge-driven obsession; splitting shows up in the sudden collapse from exclusive affection to punitive rage. Media impact: Fatal Attraction helped cement the ‘scorned woman’ stereotype, simplifying nuanced dynamics into a gendered trope.

Expanded reading: The historical moment of Fatal Attraction—released in the late 1980s—coincided with cultural anxieties about infidelity, changing gender roles, and rising tabloid sensationalism. The character became shorthand for a broader panic, not just a clinical case study. Contemporary re-evaluations often call for nuance: what social pressures and past traumas might help explain Alex’s behavior, and how might an updated adaptation treat her with more dimensionality?

Amy Dunne — Gone Girl (2014)

Narrative arc: Amy’s performed idealization (the ‘Cool Girl’ persona and fabricated diary) becomes calculated devaluation when she stages her disappearance and frames her husband.
Psychological reading: Amy weaponizes idealization and devaluation as control tactics. Her arc illustrates how narcissistic idealization and devaluation can intersect with performative identity—an example of character development all-good to all-bad used strategically rather than spontaneously.

Comparative note: Amy represents an instrumental flip—strategic and performative—rather than an impulsive, reactive splitting. Comparing Amy to Alex highlights how the same dramatic shape (love-to-hate) can emerge from fundamentally different motivations: calculated manipulation versus emotionally driven collapse.

Clementine Kruczynski — Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

Narrative arc: Clementine and Joel cycle between euphoric idealization and abrupt withdrawal or anger. The film literalizes memory fragmentation to show how idealized and devalued images can coexist.
Psychological reading: Clementine exemplifies emotional volatility and attachment-reactivity that feel like splitting to partners, but the film treats her interiority with empathy rather than flattening her into a villain.

Practical takeaways for creators: if you’re writing a character whose relationships oscillate, show interior perspectives—memory, subjective narration, or sensory flashbacks—to let viewers inhabit the emotional logic rather than simply witnessing consequences.

Joe Goldberg — You (2018– )

Narrative arc: Joe’s internal idealization of a romantic fantasy leads him to justify control and violence when reality diverges from that fantasy.
Psychological reading: The show contrasts Joe’s narrated idealization with his devaluing actions. It also critiques the romanticization of obsession by exposing how an unreliable narrator reframes abuse as love.

Case study implications: Joe is a cautionary example of how the flip can be used to interrogate cultural myths—here, the myth of the brooding protector. The show forces viewers to translate Joe’s self-justifications into their real-world impacts.

Psychology Behind the Flip: attachment, projection, and emotional reactivity

Attachment: Early caregiver patterns (secure, anxious, avoidant, disorganized) shape later relationship regulation. Preoccupied or disorganized attachment can make people more sensitive to perceived abandonment triggers.
Projection and self–other splitting: Unacceptable internal states (shame, rage) get projected outward; the beloved is recast as persecutor, enabling a fast flip from admiration to hatred.
Emotional reactivity: High affective intensity short-circuits reflection, producing impulsive reappraisals (‘I loved them’ → ‘I hate them’).

These processes help explain many characters who flip from love to hate, and they are common targets for writers exploring inner conflict.

Expert insight: ‘When people experience intense attachment fear, they may unconsciously oscillate between clinginess and rejection,’ says Dr. Maria Alvarez, a clinical psychologist specializing in trauma and relationships. ‘In narrative terms, that oscillation is compelling, but it also carries real-world stigma if depicted without care.’ Including an expert voice or consultant on a production can illuminate motives, reduce caricature, and suggest authentic coping strategies to portray on screen.

Accuracy vs. trope: how media represents black-and-white thinking in characters

What media often gets right:

The visceral experience of whiplash between idealization and devaluation.
The link between abandonment fears and volatile relational moves.

What media commonly misses or distorts:

Equating splitting with inevitable violence stigmatizes people with emotional dysregulation.
Flattening characters into a single pathological trait removes nuance and empathy.
Gendered stereotyping (e.g., the ‘bunny boiler’ trope) disproportionately casts women as hysterical or vengeful.

Understanding these gaps helps viewers distinguish dramatic convention from clinical reality.

Comparative analysis: spontaneous flip vs. instrumental flip

Spontaneous flip: emerges from high emotional reactivity, often unintended and impulsive. Films that depict this with nuance show internal conflict and consequences, not just spectacle.
Instrumental flip: the character uses idealization and devaluation as deliberate tools (control, revenge, performance). This is often narrated as calculated and may overlap with sociopathic or narcissistic traits.

Both types appear among characters who flip from love to hate, but they carry different ethical and narrative responsibilities for storytellers.

How writers should depict characters who flip from love to hate responsibly

Dos:

Provide history and context (attachment wounds, trauma, coping limits).
Consult clinicians and sensitivity readers to avoid lazy stereotyping.
Show realistic consequences and pathways to support or accountability.
Include diverse outcomes: characters who manage splitting tendencies with therapy or social supports.

Don’ts:

Don’t use splitting as shorthand for villainy.
Don’t glamorize abusive acts with sentimental justifications (e.g., ‘He did it because he loved her’).
Don’t casually diagnose fictional characters in marketing copy.

Step-by-step guide for portraying splitting responsibly (for writers and showrunners):

Research: Read primary sources (Kernberg, Linehan) and watch case studies in documentary formats.
Consult: Hire a clinician as a consultant and run scripts by sensitivity readers familiar with mental health portrayal.
Humanize: Give the character a backstory that explains, not excuses, their behavior.
Show process: Depict attempts at help (therapy, peer support) and realistic setbacks.
Account: Ensure there are consequences and opportunities for accountability if the character causes harm.

For viewers:

Use portrayals as prompts for conversation about attachment and regulation, not as clinical evidence.
Practice media literacy: identify when a narrative chooses sensationalism over nuance.

Practical applications: educators and therapists sometimes use film clips of characters who flip from love to hate to prompt discussion about boundaries, projection, and emotional regulation. When used in a supervised classroom or therapy group, such clips can illuminate warning signs and model adaptive responses.

FAQ

Q: What is the difference between splitting and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)?
A: Splitting is a defense mechanism or symptom pattern (black-and-white thinking). BPD is a clinical diagnosis; splitting can be one element among many symptoms in BPD, but not everyone who splits meets criteria for BPD.

Q: Are characters who flip from love to hate always mentally ill?
A: No. Narrative flips can result from betrayal, manipulation, situational stress, strategic performance, or defensive cognitive patterns. Fictional behavior requires contextual reading, not snap clinical labeling.

Q: Why does the love-to-hate arc persist in stories?
A: It creates dramatic reversal, moral complexity, and high emotional stakes. Audiences respond strongly to betrayal, which is why writers use the flip for tension.

Q: How can portrayals reduce stigma?
A: By adding context, showing consequences, including therapeutic or supportive responses, and avoiding sensationalized violence as the default outcome.

Q: How can writers balance drama with responsible depiction?
A: Use research, consult clinicians, show the human cost of volatile behavior, and include pathways to help and accountability.

Q: Can a character recover from patterns of splitting?
A: Yes. In real life, many people learn emotion-regulation skills through therapies like DBT, attachment-based interventions, and supportive relationships. Fiction that depicts recovery or management can model hope and reduce stigma.

Q: Are there cultural differences in how the flip is portrayed?
A: Yes. Different cultures emphasize honor, shame, or family loyalty differently, which changes narrative stakes. A culturally sensitive portrayal requires consultation and local knowledge.

Key takeaways

‘Characters who flip from love to hate’ often dramatize the splitting defense mechanism—black-and-white thinking that turns idealization into devaluation.
Nuanced portrayals (e.g., Eternal Sunshine) can illuminate experience; sensationalized ones (e.g., Fatal Attraction) risk reinforcing stigma.
Creators and viewers both have roles: creators should contextualize and consult; viewers should interpret critically and compassionately.

Additional actionable tips for creators and critics:

When marketing a story with this dynamic, avoid taglines that pathologize characters for clickbait.
Include trigger warnings when the flip is accompanied by depictions of violence or self-harm.
Consider follow-up content (interviews, essays) that explains clinical context to audiences and provides resources.

By deepening the conversation around characters who flip from love to hate, storytellers and audiences can move from sensational spectacle toward portrayals that respect complexity and encourage empathy.